omgosh i am so fucked.

i finally plucked up the courage to visit the doctor today. i was more worried about the chest pains than my previous black out incidents, but it turned out that my lungs were fine. as for the latter, i have this medical condition called syncope.

i did my research. in syncope, your blood pressure drops due to varying reasons, for example crowded places, flashing lights, alcohol, a sudden change in body position, etc. it is apparently an extremely common medical condition, since most people faint like that at least once in their lives.

then why don't i see it in other people?!


Lygophilia (Greek: lyge, "twilight") is a desire to be in dark or gloomy places .

Usually Lygophilia is not so much a disease as a choice. People who are lygophilic like to be in dark places, or travel at night.


the way i see it, it's like telling me to give up half my life. i might as well buy myself a leash and keep myself at home so that i won't faint while running across the road and die.

it's so unfair. the minute you have some kind of sickness you become a burden not just to yourself, but to other people. and there's nothing i can do about this syncope shit besides becoming one of those people who do nothing but have tea time day and night.

i can't keep being so bloody wilful, but if i have to be so deathly afraid, i won't be able to experience anything the rest of my life. like if i go bungee jumping and hyperventilate, i can... sigh.

but most importantly, i don't want to be a burden to people who are nice enough to care.

fuck.

I blogged @ 2:09 PM